


Home

by StormyBear30



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-08 11:43:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17980682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormyBear30/pseuds/StormyBear30
Summary: Despite the turmoil of his past Michael will always be home to Alex





	Home

The music is loud and overwhelming. The lights from the stage are wild and blinding as I close my eyes and try to center myself before I lose it completely. The sound vibrates through my entire body as without consent of my own I find myself back in a place of hell that I hoped I would never visit again. My surrounding fall away as I am once again in a place that I never felt safe from the moment I stepped foot off the plane and into a country that never wanted me their in the first place. I feel as if I may jump out of my skin as bright lights bloom within the sky and the ground rumbles constantly from bombs and bullet fire all around me. I know it’s not real, know that my mind is playing tricks on me but I continue to fall until I don’t know what is real anymore. I can feel hands upon my body but I fight them because I can’t let them take me away. I hear people calling my name but I ignore them because my reality has vanished and I feel as if I couldn’t answer them even if I tried. I can feel sounds leave my mouth as I thrash and pull away from the hands that are still trying take me. The world around me begins to grow dark as I watch an oncoming blackness converge on me. I know I am about to die as I give into the dark and accept my fate, but just as quickly as it appeared it’s gone as I find myself surrounded by warm familiarity. I clutch to it like it is my only saving grace and in this moment it truly feels as if it it. I don’t know what it is but it feels solid and protective and despite everything that is happening to me it feels like home. I feel lighter then I have felt in years as my gravity shifts and I feel as if I am floating. A different sort of light is before me now as I allow it to surround me and fall into nothingness. 

I wake up with a start calling out a name that causes my heart to beat wildly within my chest as I jerk myself into a sitting position. My eyes dart throughout the darkness searching for the him but find myself in my darkened bedroom, alone. “Michael…” I call out again even though I know he isn’t there. For a brief moment I panic, wondering how it was that he got me home last night and how many people saw him because I know know he was that place of familiarity. It doesn’t last long as it is quickly replaced by guilt because it really shouldn’t matter. I recall all the mean and hateful things I have said to him since my return and the way that I have hurt him time and time again with my actions. I know it is time to make it right, know that it is time for me to prove to Michael that despite those words and actions I love him more then anything else in this entire world. 

A familiar car is parked next to his beat up pick up truck as I pull onto the lot his trailer is on. Again I panic for a moment because even though I feel guilty about the way things ended with us, there is still fear about people finding out. I don’t know why it matters but it is a fear that nearly causes me to turn around, yet I hold strong because he deserves it. Isobel is his family and I know how much it hurt him when I refused to let him tell her about us. Taking a deep breath I pull up in front of the trailer and force myself to get out. 

“Are you lost?” I hear him question as he opens the door to his trailer, looking at me in a way I have never seen him look at me before. Where usually there is love mixed with a little bit of annoyance, now there is only anger and upset. “I said are you lost?” I hear him say again as he leans against the door frame, arms across his chest in a way that screams this is not going to be easy. 

“Um…” Is the only thing I can think to say because my mind is completely blank. 

“Go home Alex…” He sneers as he turns to leave, brushing my hand off when I grab onto his elbow before he can leave. “Don’t you ever touch me again” He snarls as he whips around so fast it scares me and causes me to lose my balance. “Fuck Alex…” He cries out as he rushes over to me and helps me get back on my feet. “I’m sorry” He says with a look of panic on his face once I have centered my crutch enough to steady myself. It is quickly replaced by a look of sadness and guilt and it is almost to much for me as I wrap my free arm around his neck and hang on for dear life. The minute my body touches his I lose it. The tears are silent but they flow like a river as he wraps his arms around my waist and holds me close. “It was bad huh?” He questions against my ear but I can’t speak as I continue to hold onto him. “Yeah…” He whispers as he holds me just a little bit tighter and allows me to fall apart. 

“Michael…” I hear Isobel speak as she looks between the two of us, but I ignore her as I continue to cling to the man who is slowly bringing me peace in a way that no one has ever been able to. “Alex…” I hear my name next and I can hear the confusion in her voice as she continues to watch us but I can’t let go, not yet. 

“I love him” The words rush out of my mouth as I feel Michael’s entire body stiffen. “I know that’s not the way that you wanted to hear those words but I do” I cry out as he quickly pulls away from me. “Michael…” The panic from before returns but for a completely different reason as he continued to step away. 

“I already know that” Isobel responds with a roll of her eyes as we both gap at her. “What…I have eyes and you two have been mooning over each other since high school”

Michael looks a bit panicked as he looks between the two of us several times before storming off towards his truck. “I can’t deal with this” He yells as we both cry out his name but it doesn’t detour him as he jumps into the truck and speeds off. 

“You inside…now” Isobel demands as she climbs back into the trailer, giving me a final look of warning before she disappears inside. My old friend panic appears yet again as I debate jumping in my car and getting the hell out of here but as I hear Isobel yell my name yet again I think better of it because I do have some explaining to do. I also know that after I spill everything to her that she may be my only saving grace with mending my relationship with Michael. 

It’a been hours since my talk with Isobel and I can hardly keep my eyes open as I continue to wait for Michael to come back home. After our talk I debated leaving in order to give Michael a chance to come to terms with what I told him, but she assured me it was better to stay as she kissed me on the check before giving me a quick hug. “He’s angry and really confused about what he feels for you. You’ve hurt him a lot Alex, but never doubt that he will forgive you” She was right becauseI knew he would forgive me, he always did, I just didn’t know if I really deserved it. 

I wake to the sound of rustling as I open my eyes and find Michael standing in his tiny kitchen staring at me. “I figured you were hungry so I brought you something to eat” He says as he hands me a bag with a smiling green alien on it. I figure he’s spoken to Isobel since she left as I take the bag and sit it beside me on the bed. I can’t help but be amazed because despite everything that has transpired tonight he was worried about me in that I hadn’t eaten. 

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep” I respond dumbly, quickly realizing how rude I’m being at his kindness. “Thank you” I nod towards the bag, still not opening it as a heavy silence surrounds us. “Listen Guerin…” I begin, my eyes widening in shock as he slams his hand on the counter so hard that it echoes around the small space. 

“Stop calling me that” He yells knocking an empty cup across the room. There is so much anger there that it shocks me for a moment. I know he’s angry but this is something more as I try to figure out what to say. “I hate it when you call me Guerin” He continues to yell, his eyes blazing with so much anger that it almost seems unnatural. 

“It’s what I always call you” I whisper, shrinking back some because I have never seen this side of him before. 

“No…when we we kids you always called me Mikey and during high stool it was always Mike but since you’ve moved back to Roswell it’s like…” He doesn’t finish his sentence and I can literally see the anger deflate right in front of me. “Go home Alex” He says, his voice tight but filled with so much sadness. “ I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m tired of being your toy whenever you feel like fucking the poor white trash from the wrong side of the tracks”

“You can’t think that I think of you like that” I rush out as he stares at me with eyes so sad that it breaks my heart. “ I can’t believe I’ve been such a bastard to you since I’ve come home” I say, my throat heavy at the amount of pain staring back at me. “You have to know that when I came home and found out you were still here that it made me so happy. It’s was the first time I felt happy in nearly ten years” I close my eyes and swallow hard as my eyes begin to burn with I unshed tears. “And when you kissed me at the dance I was immediately brought back to the only time that I ever felt cherished and loved”

“And then you realize that I am nothing and I went no where with my like and you…”

“No…” I cry out as I stumble and jerk myself off of the bed. “I have never once thought that about you. In my eyes you have always been beautiful and amazing” I continue, the tears I have been holding at bay trickling down my face. “I have loved you from the very first time that you kissed me but I let my father, my anger and my insecurities get the best of me. I know I hurt you because if it Michael and you will never know how much it kills me to know that I have but…”His lips are on mine before I have a chance to say another word and as much as I want it to continue I know that we both have so much to say to each other before we can even think about moving on, if we can move on. “No…we can’t” I cry out as I push him away, pulling him back just as quickly as I press my forehead against his, my eyes closed tightly as I just breath him in. I feel weak and exposed as I throw my crutch on the floor, wrapping my arms around his neck as I once again cling to him for dear life. I don’t know who starts first but we are both sobbing, our bodies swaying to an unheard melody, our bodies pressed so close together that there is no part of them that isn’t touching. 

“I love you so much” I hear him whisper against my ear as he clutches so tightly to my neck that’s it’s almost painful. But I can hear the anger in his voice once again as I close my eyes and wait for him to continue. “I love you so much” He repeats, his entire body taunt. “But I don’t trust you” His words are like a dagger to my heart but I know I deserve the pain that they bring. “Not yet…” He sighs with a shake of his head but I can feel all the tension leaving his body. He’s giving in like he always done when it comes to me and as happy as it makes me feel, it makes me sad as well. 

“Don’t give into me yet Michael. I don’t deserve it” I say as I try and move away from him but he isn’t having it. 

“You have been in my blood and my heart for nearly seventeen years Alex Manes. I know that I have every right to be angry at you, to make you suffer for the hell that you have put me through all this time…but I can’t. It’s not in my nature because you are my home, my safe place…my everything” 

I open my eyes and all I can see is the truth staring back at me. I’m not surprised by it, not in the least because ever since I can remember it’s always been there. “I promise I will make it up to you” I vow because despite the fact that I already know he has forgiven me and always will, I haven’t forgiven myself. “I don’t know what you see in me” I frown as I move away from him because I know that I truly don’t deserve a man like Michael Guerin. “I’ve done nothing but hurt you and yet you keep forgiving me over and over again” 

Are you trying to start a fight with me?” He asks as he wraps his arms around my waist once again and crushes me back against his body. 

“No…but it’s true. I don’t deserve you” I want to wallow in my stupidity and self doubt but he doesn’t allow me as he leans in and kisses me in a way that he used to kiss me when we were young and innocent. “I’m a broken mess Michael” I whisper against his lips. “I’m so broken that sometimes I don’t know if I can ever be put back together again and then I see you and you give me a reason to want to be whole again. I know that probably doesn’t make much sense and lord knows I haven’t given you any reason to believe it…but you are my everything too”

“I believe it” He grins at me, that same cocky grin that makes my heart miss a beat every time I’ve seen it. “I’ve always believed it. We’re both broken. We’ve both had somewhat shitty lives but I’ve always believed in you…in us. I’m not perfect by any means and I know that we are going to have rough patches along the way but in the end I know that we belong together. You just have to promise me that you’re in it for the long haul, that no matter what happens or truths you may find out as we move forward that you are going to trust me”

“I do. I do trust you” I cry out ignoring the bit of confusion nagging at my mind at those words because I know that Michael is harboring a secret and has been for years. I can’t even fathom what it is or how I’m going to react when I find out and in that moment I don’t care. I don’t care because I love him with my whole heart and soul and I know that whatever it is, because of that love we will work through it no matter what because he is my home. 

The end.

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thank you to Mythras_fire for nudging me to write this Malex fic. I know she loves them as much as I do. Part two is already in the works. ❤️
> 
> Feed back is much appreciated.


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